it’s been a while

I’m not even sure why I’m writing. It’s late, I’m tired, yet almost wide awake. The past several months since January have been interesting, to say the least. The past two weeks — sigh…

What is it about crying that brings healing? What is it about feeling like everything is out of control that… ?

This is the first time in a long time (I feel like I’m supposed to use a comma with this part of the sentence, but I don’t want to). :) Seriously? Hehehehehe. So, it’s the first time, in a long time, where I feel like I don’t want to share what I’m feeling or maybe face what I’m feeling?

A few weeks ago, more than a month, I had this weird episode of high blood pressure. I cried about it for about three weeks. I felt embarrassed, ashamed. I run. I eat healthy, etc. Why am I getting high bp? I’m the one who tells people to stop smoking or to exercise or to drink more water. Okay, the ‘people’ I’m telling are mostly family and friends. But still. :)

I had this image of myself as this superhero. Someone who’s not supposed to experience things like high bp, especially if I’m doing the ‘right’ things. Hey, people look up to me. Argh. I think I look up to me. Oh boy right? I thought I was there, you know? At that place of getting this life thing right. But alas….